Monday, July 16, 2018

Fill Me Up

I found this sitting in my Google Drive. I wrote it in January, about a month after our missions trip to Singapore and Malaysia. I didn't write this to share as is--I was just pouring my heart out. It may not be eloquently written, but I've decided not to rewrite it and just leave it as is.

This week is our EKWIP camp (what we call Vacation Bible School), and I'm feeling worn out. These words that I wrote months ago spoke to me all over again, and I hope they encourage you too.

It’s great to give to others. Give your energy, time, money, prayers, etc. We’re supposed to do those things. But sometimes we give so much of ourselves that we become empty. I know I’m guilty of this. 

I fill my time with so many things. They aren’t bad things. It’s things like baking, kids ministry, hanging out with friends and fiancé (I hate that word but I liked the alliteration) [obviously Casey's my husband now], making cookies to raise funds for missions and other projects, helping out with things at my church. These aren’t bad things. Some of these things are great! Friendship and ministry and pouring into others is great!

But then I find myself empty.

I really noticed this when I was in Malaysia. It was week two in Asia and we had been nonstop. Between VBS, camp services, prepping and practicing, coffee dates and lunch dates and mall hangouts with our friends where we poured into them as much as we could about kids and youth ministry and life in general…. I was exhausted. I was tired of people. I was tired of noise. My energy was draining quickly, and I still had more services to do, more people to talk to and speak into their lives, and a 36 hour trip back home. I was tired. I wanted to stop.

This burnout doesn’t just happen in those times of hard ministry like missions trips and SALT. It happens in every day life too and I find myself feeling like I’m draining.

We must allow ourselves to be filled too. It’s important for missionaries and preachers to go to conferences and things where they can be fed and ministered to instead of ministering. To fill up.

In my Jesus time, I asked God to help me when I feel empty. To fill me back up so I can give more. And He convicted me. Why should I wait until I’m empty to fill up? Why am I not reaching for Him daily to fill me up so I never get empty?

I thought my introvertness was the reason why I was tired. I thought that’s why I got tired and overwhelmed. But I think it’s when I’m not giving myself to Him first so I can let Him fill me up.

Lord, fill me up each and every day so I’m running over and never run out. Fill me up and let me pour into others and then fill me up all over again. Don’t let me become empty.

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