When I was 12, I went to church one Wednesday night wearing my favorite outfit. A light pink tank top with frills, a deeper pink three-quarter length cardigan, a fit and flair denim skirt, and probably my clear pink heels. I felt so cute, which wasn't my norm. I'd always been the ugly duckling amongst my friends and very rarely felt pretty. But tonight I looked cute. Or at least that's how I felt until I ran into my "friends." They didn't tell me my outfit was cute. They told me my arms were hairy and I needed to consider shaving them. I was so ashamed and embarrassed. I was too afraid to shave my arms, so I started wearing long sleeves. Every single day. For three years.
I've always loved clothes ever since I can remember--putting together cute outfits, finding unique pieces. Even when I was like 8, I LOVED when Gramma would take me shopping. When I was 12, I would stand in front of my mirror putting together outfits until I came across one I loved.
But now I had to cover my hairy arms every day, so I rotated the same five jackets every single week. I quickly grew bored of wearing the same thing all the time and was a little ashamed that I wore the same five things every week. So I started wearing the same "Students of Christ" hoodie every day. For some reason that seemed less embarrassing. I tried to tell myself it was because "I don't care what others think, so I won't try to dress cute to impress them. And I want to be warm." I was totally lying to myself. I wanted to dress cute but I was afraid of what people would think if I wore clothes that were different than what other kids at school wore. I was afraid they would think I was trying too hard to fit in or be liked or be unique. I was afraid they would laugh at my hairy arms.
What changed? Obviously I love to wear fun clothes, especially when they are different from the norm. I love dressing uniquely. Where did that confidence come from?
It started when I decided I wanted to get closer to God. It was a few months before the end of my sophomore year of high school. I didn't really know how to get closer to God, but I decided I wanted to start with my clothes--I decided to try to dress in a way that I believed honored God. Maybe that sounds so silly. But clothes were something I loved, and I think God was truly honored that I wanted to give him something I enjoyed so much.
It was also around this time that my "friends" decided to stop talking to me. But God had already planned for that, because at the same time, I became close to the girls who are still my best friends to this day. They encouraged me without even knowing it. I was inspired by their style that was so beautiful and unique and honored God.
I didn't gain confidence over night. When school started back up, I was a little scared. The year before I had worn the same school hoodie, jeans, and converse every day. Now I was showing up to schools in ensembles that the small town had never seen before. Crazy colors and pattern mixing, fun hair accessories, quirky shirts and shoes. Every morning, I prayed that God would give me confidence and help me not be afraid of what other's thought of me. And, slowly, day by day, my confidence grew a little more.
As it turned out, people thought my outfits were fun and cute. When I graduated, I was voted "Best dressed" by almost every person in my grade. I remember the day we were all filling out the "superlatives" paperwork and the entire classroom started talking about how I was the best dressed in the grade and they were voting for me.
You know what the crazy thing was? None of them remembered that I used to wear the same hoodie every day. In fact, it was only a few weeks after I'd stopped wearing the hoodie that one of my classmates said, "JoyBeth, you dress so cute every day." I remember being stunned. How did she not remember that I'd literally worn the exact same hoodie almost every day of sophomore year?
I remember the day and the outfit that made me realize that I was made for this--this dressing weird, this being unique. I wore a black lace top from my Gramma (who is, to this day, more stylish than me), a white denim jacket, denim skirt, maroon and black striped tights, and black riding boots. It was weird and different and I loved it. I wanted to dress like this every day.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Psalm 139:14
I think it's so cool that God made every single person unique. That He gave us different talents and passions and skills that we can use to honor Him. One thing that makes me unique is my style, and I choose to celebrate it because God is the one who gave me the passion and creativity to put together fun outfits. It's a big part of who I am because that's how God made me. He made me a little bit weird in that way and I've come to love that about myself.
It's so easy to feel ashamed and embarrassed by the things that make us different and separate us from everyone else. But that was not God's intention when He made you. The Bible says, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made." He wants us to praise Him and thank Him for making us exactly the way we are. Because it wasn't on accident. He made you the way you are for a purpose and a reason. You have the opportunity to honor Him and give yourself to Him in a way that is unique to only you.
I encourage you, look at the parts of yourself that are different. That set you apart from everyone else. Maybe even the parts that you try to hide because you feel like you are weird. How can you give those things to God? How can you honor Him with those parts of you? You can start by thanking Him for making you perfectly, uniquely you.
