Meditation Monday: Do I really want to understand?

 I found this as a note in my phone written November 27, 2017. I'd completely forgotten about it, but really liked the message of it, so I decided to share it here. I'm pretty sure I didn't share it before, but even if I did, I think it's worth sharing twice.

Oh, how green you are, jealousy. This is something I’ve been dealing with lately. It’s something i dealt with in high school and pretty much overcame. But oh, it came back. Social media is the culprit. “Look, she started a blog.” “Look, she got engaged.” “Look, she’s traveling to this amazing place.”

Comparison is the thief of joy. I know this. The Bible says the devil comes to steal, but *I* am the one who compares myself to others. I can be the one who steals my own joy!

And I thought, “Well, I have an awesome life too.” And I do. I’m dating the actual greatest guy on the planet. I have the best friends a girl could want. The cutest puppy ever. I go to a fantastic church with an amazing pastor. My job is way cool and my coworkers are cooler.

Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t be jealous,” my thoughts went to, “how do I show this off?”

Blogging.

I’ve always blogged, albeit very sporadically at times.

“God, give me something good to share. Give me understanding,” I prayed a silent prayer.

Then it hit me.

Do I want to understand Him and His Word only so I have something shareable? Or do I truly want to fall in love with Him and understand Him more?

Yikes. Looks like my priorities got out of line. Again.

And that’s life. Life is working hard daily to keep your priorities straight. Life is wondering how you fix them. Life is God repeatedly and repeatedly saying, “Me. You focus on me. The rest will fall into place.” And the rest will. But oh, it’s hard. I can’t deny that. It’s hard to keep your priorities right when millions of things are happening. When you have a cute boyfriend you’d rather talk to on the phone than pray. When you’d rather scroll Instagram than read your Bible.

Thank you lord for Your grace and mercy New every day. Because I need it. I can’t live without it. I fail daily. I’m merely human. But You are not. And You provided a way many years ago so my frail, failing self could find rescue and peace and love and freedom.